Why I'm So Broke

It's not that I don't make halfway decent money at work. I spent many years living with my last couple of girlfriends (no, not at the same time). And having a dual income is kinda nice! But then my last girlfriend, how should I put this, kinda crossed the line...and so I chose to move out. I left one dog, our akita, Dent, with her, and the other, my husky, Zaphod, I gave to my boss Joe, because it's damn near impossible to find apartments that take big dogs anymore!!! So for the last couple of years I have been paying my own rent, utilities, and so on. Which was a bit of a shock at first, but I was just getting used to it. Then one fateful Saturday night, I chose to leave my friends house, instead of getting into an altercation with six other guys that randomly showed up. I was about 3 blocks away from my apartment, when I passed through a speed trap, where a cop happened to be sitting. Well that ticket turned into a DUI as well, and I ended up selling my car to pay for a lawyer, and had to take out a loan to pay for all the lovely court fines, and penalties, and all those lovely things that go into DUI's. So not only was I paying full rent again, but now I have a car payment again, and a large loan payment to boot, which really doesn't help matters at all. So that is why I never get out anymore, stupid speed trap! Scratch that, stupid fight or flight decision! I got my liscense back last September, and the DUI has been removed from my record, this past July, but I will be paying for it for another 4 years, so there ya go!