Old Things

Hey y'all

I'm going to take this in a different direction today. I went out for another cruise earlier, and today I cruised through my old hood. I drove into Boxwood as well, and past my old home. The small garden off the front porch is still in bloom, but plainly not tended to. It's just growing on it's own, which I put into motion all those years ago. Anyway, doing that put me into a nostalgic state of mind, once again. So I dusted off my old art books, and started flipping through them. In the second book (of 2 only), I came across something I wrote 10 years ago, come September (wake me up when September ends, ha ha ha). It's from a bad time in my life, that I rarely talk about, but remind myself of when shit hits the fan, it can always be worse. I was homeless when I wrote this (Mom, don't cry. I fully respect the choice you made back then, and it's okay), and something really coincidental happened, and not in a good way. I'm about to share this for all the people that told me I should share my writing more. So here goes...

late sept. 1999

By trial, and grave error, I end up on my own
facing the backs of friends I have known and loved for years
I became the most likely suspect in a crime I haven't committed
my position makes my apparent guilt more easily grasped by the victim
so as he looks down in disgust I turn and walk away in confusion
while countless streets go by I walk dazed and numbed by the absurd society
in which I unwantingly exist, I reflect on recent events.
Disowned by my parents for a mistake I made in a past moment of desperation,
not yet reimbursed, and unacceptable in the eyes of those from which I borrowed
without asking.
Now, with nearly all my material possessions stripped I search for the kindhearted,
a quite elusive type of person.
I find it bizarre that where I live it is illegal to sleep anywhere other than a house
and that my College believes that being outside is a privilege.
I'm glad I don't remember much of my life
though unfortunately the times which I can recall are mainly bad ones
for the general rule that governs my life is that anything good that happens to me
is soon followed by something twice as bad
I will go on until my time here ends
and though I feel that my life will ultimately get better, eventually
it seems impossible to penetrate the fog that engulfs me now.


Okay, so I'm not really a poet, so shush. I just find it weird that in all my writing from then, and earlier, I always knew I would endure loneliness. Stupid foresight. Anyway, flipping through the back half of the book, which consists of blank pages, I came across a poem (I thought they might be lyrics, but upon multiple searches, I don't believe they are) written by a woman (or a guy with really girly handwriting), but I don't know who penned it, as I don't recognize the handwriting. It's not noted, or signed, or dated for that matter. I have no clue who wrote it, or when, but there it is...

And should I ever make my decision
I pray that I might never forget my previous stage of despair
Because from now on another door has opened
But just the same as the awkward feeling you feel sometimes,
hearing a secret you shouldn't have heard

I too believe that once the stage ends life can continue.
But you alone are the crack in my mind
in the essence that I can only tell time when you're there.
So ask yourself a question, you can say it's from me,
I'll sign the letter with a star-pointed pen, tell the answer
as to whether of not you've ever felt like me.

(unknown)

I sure as hell hope I didn't just plagiarize somebody by putting that here! I may feel somewhat nostalgic, but I'm not feeling like the scofflaw I once was. If those are lyrics, and anybody can tell me if they are, please do! Much thanks.

Okay, well that's enough show and tell for now. In other news, today I saw just about every Harley Davidson in the greater midwest, cruising down 176. I forget what the name of the event is, the Great Northern Ride, or something like that. They come through every year, and it's loud!!! Okay, that's all for today (I think)!

Peace, love, good food, great musics, and large smiles and laughter for all!

Peace out y'all