Hello You Few,
For the record, it is Easter Sunday. I have wanted, but resisted, to start preaching about the inaccuracy of this holiday to the people on facebook. On Friday, I resisted calling in to WGN Radio, to reply to caller who said that the sanctity of Easter has been lost to social correctness. I say that true meaning of the holiday was lost the day the Christian church took it over, and made it their own. I mean seriously, why do people think a dead guy was brought back to life? I mean really, after a few days of decomposing in a desert, cave or no cave, there would be a bit of a funk. And besides, Where exactly did he go? I can only figure that a necromancer got involved, and used zombie man for some nefarious act. Or, it was the only way the christians could take something out of, say, a goddess bringing life back to the planet, and use it as their own thing. Hmmm.
This weekend has been alright so far, all things considered. Today, however, I find myself rather bored. The upstairs folk have left for the evening, leaving me alone with the house. Once again, alone = odd noises coming out to play. I think I'll survive though. In other news, I talked with my sister earlier, and she mentioned that my family is enjoying some grilled steak tonight. Oh, how I miss grilled anything right now. I went upstairs shortly there after, hoping to find a forgotten frozen pizza in the freezer (there wasn't one), and instead found a pack of tip pan steaks. They are horribly freezer burned, and have been in there for four months. Oh well. I suppose I could try defrosting them, and cooking them, but I don't really want freezer burned meat, when I'm dreaming of fresh, never frozen steak. Call me crazy.
Okay, topic change. I am sick of seeing the reappearance of so many people using the wrong version of words! Most commonly misused words in the last month; loose, instead of lose (and the reverse), and there, instead of their. I can understand the occasional mistype, but complete word use neglect burns my buttons! Speaking of word abuse, I fear I may be emailing somebody a little too much. It's unwarranted, and perhaps, a little inappropriate. I don't know why I can't stop myself, but I can't. In fact, I was tempted to a very short while ago, but was able to persuade myself to take out my urge to write here instead. So if you were wondering why this blog seems a little disjointed, and even more half-assed than usual, that's why. Okay, on that note I'm gonna end this pointless ramble.
Until next time, when I might have something more substantial to post, I hope you all find some good company, good food, good music, and plenty of laughter!
Peace out y'all!
Sunday, 4 April 2010
Monday, 29 March 2010
Here I Go Again (on my own)
Hello all,
Here's a real snafu for you. I was half way though writing this post a few hours ago. I had a plan, a plot, a storyline, a midstory (my own word), and a conclusion. However, I decided to go get myself a beverage, and noticed that the home owner was both awake, and outside of his bedroom. Knowing that he has at least one audio mixing program in his possession, I decided to ask him if any of them were on an official CD. He had one, geared towards guitar/bass audio mixing, but I figured my voice is deep enough that it might just recognize my voice as a bass guitar. I made my way back downstairs, and intended to finish the posting that I had started, when my computer completely froze up on me. I could do nothing to unlock it, and ended up having to do a hard power down. I hate having to do that! Since then, I've talked about what I was going to post, with a couple of people, and I've decided not to finish what I had started. Instead, I will say this, I will continue to attend the ChiVO group meetings, and continue to tell myself that not having any money for new recording equipment, audio mixing programs, and a new computer is no reason to give up on my dreams. That optimism is not normal for me (as most of you readers of this blog, or however few of you are left, know.)
In other news, I realized yesterday, while responding to a request for info about websites I might have, that my alternate email address is technically a link to my own web page. If only I had fully set it up with personal info months ago, when I had decided that my current email address was no longer to my liking! I feel weird giving out the one email address that I've had (in some variation, or another) for 11 years now. My deathfoe..@... account name was born from a video game characters name that I got to change, in a time in my life when "deathfoe" seemed like a good choice for the character name (as I had been playing the game for a while, and had died so many times before I learned all the secrets of success.) When I logged back into that site yesterday, I discovered that I had several new emails, mostly junk mail, and something I had requested to that site back in January was still waiting for me. Oops... I have taken steps towards completing my profile on that site now. It's available at daved42@hotmail.com. Should anybody feel more comfortable sending email to that address, instead of a teenagers email address. ;) (yeah, that's right, this 30 year old still uses emoticons)
As for non-news, I am still discontent in my life. Single for way to long now, and it's taken it's toll on me. Not just in the expected longings way, but in my day to day mental health way. I have started to fear that my longing for a companion has led me to acting in a desperate fashion. Although my intentions are not malicious, or entirely libido oriented, I feel like I need to choose my words and actions much more carefully around a woman much more carefully than I might under normal, or even regular circumstances. (Yeah, I'm back into full blown run-on sentence mode.) I'm feeling crappy about this scenario. Mix that with who I have been recently intrigued by, and what that might mean, and I am not fairing well psychologically. As if I really needed any more issues to deal with. That's life though, I guess.
Alright, that is all I've got for now. Thanks for reading this! Peace out, and good night!
Here's a real snafu for you. I was half way though writing this post a few hours ago. I had a plan, a plot, a storyline, a midstory (my own word), and a conclusion. However, I decided to go get myself a beverage, and noticed that the home owner was both awake, and outside of his bedroom. Knowing that he has at least one audio mixing program in his possession, I decided to ask him if any of them were on an official CD. He had one, geared towards guitar/bass audio mixing, but I figured my voice is deep enough that it might just recognize my voice as a bass guitar. I made my way back downstairs, and intended to finish the posting that I had started, when my computer completely froze up on me. I could do nothing to unlock it, and ended up having to do a hard power down. I hate having to do that! Since then, I've talked about what I was going to post, with a couple of people, and I've decided not to finish what I had started. Instead, I will say this, I will continue to attend the ChiVO group meetings, and continue to tell myself that not having any money for new recording equipment, audio mixing programs, and a new computer is no reason to give up on my dreams. That optimism is not normal for me (as most of you readers of this blog, or however few of you are left, know.)
In other news, I realized yesterday, while responding to a request for info about websites I might have, that my alternate email address is technically a link to my own web page. If only I had fully set it up with personal info months ago, when I had decided that my current email address was no longer to my liking! I feel weird giving out the one email address that I've had (in some variation, or another) for 11 years now. My deathfoe..@... account name was born from a video game characters name that I got to change, in a time in my life when "deathfoe" seemed like a good choice for the character name (as I had been playing the game for a while, and had died so many times before I learned all the secrets of success.) When I logged back into that site yesterday, I discovered that I had several new emails, mostly junk mail, and something I had requested to that site back in January was still waiting for me. Oops... I have taken steps towards completing my profile on that site now. It's available at daved42@hotmail.com. Should anybody feel more comfortable sending email to that address, instead of a teenagers email address. ;) (yeah, that's right, this 30 year old still uses emoticons)
As for non-news, I am still discontent in my life. Single for way to long now, and it's taken it's toll on me. Not just in the expected longings way, but in my day to day mental health way. I have started to fear that my longing for a companion has led me to acting in a desperate fashion. Although my intentions are not malicious, or entirely libido oriented, I feel like I need to choose my words and actions much more carefully around a woman much more carefully than I might under normal, or even regular circumstances. (Yeah, I'm back into full blown run-on sentence mode.) I'm feeling crappy about this scenario. Mix that with who I have been recently intrigued by, and what that might mean, and I am not fairing well psychologically. As if I really needed any more issues to deal with. That's life though, I guess.
Alright, that is all I've got for now. Thanks for reading this! Peace out, and good night!
Friday, 26 March 2010
It's Been a While
Hello all,
Well, I suppose I should have started this with "hello few", as it's been months since I've been here and I know of only one person who has checked it anytime recently. Yes, that's right, another run-on sentence! Most of the last three months have been fairly uneventful. There was the four month headache of my car's check engine light constantly coming on, and eventually my coolant light coming on, in a giant red and flashing manner. That was exciting, in all the wrong ways. But after so many tension headaches, a couple hundred dollars (far less than it would have cost to have a mechanic do what I took care of), one giant blood blister, some other cuts and bruising, swearing and anger, the problem has been resolved! Two weeks of everyday driving, and no lights coming on, flashing, or yelling at me, in any color! Phew! Oh, and my mileage has gone back to what it was before that whole debacle started. Yay! I do have a picture of the previously mention blood blister, but the few I knew could handle such an image already received it, and I won't be sharing it here. As far as any other pictures go, I haven't really taken any since my last post, so this will be one of those boring text only postings.
As a few of you know, about a month ago I had a dream that introduced me to an unknown blonde woman. In the following weeks, she has come to visit me several times in other dreams I've had since. Nothing kinky, or otherwise, just keeping me company in my subconscious I guess. For a while I thought that my mind was telling me that I should give up on my brunette standard, and try to find myself a blonde girlfriend, for the first time since I was 12-13 years old. That worked out for me about as well as trying to catch a brunettes attention. There were a couple of nights when I thought my mind was being invaded by somebody, or something, but couldn't find any signs of possession. Then, after a couple of weeks, I started finding myself noticing just the brunettes again. Until last night, when I met somebody for the first time. Hold on, let me go back a bit, and start that one off properly.
About a month and a half ago, shortly after finishing my lunch at work, a woman came into the office to pick up an item she had ordered. She immediately commented on my voice (shocking, I know), and told me about a voice over group she had joined, and subsequently asked if I'd be interested in joining as well. Hmmm, that seemed a silly question to me. I came to find out that this group, ChiVO (short for Chicago Voice-over), meets officially once a month, on the last Thursday of every month, in downtown Chicago. Unfortunately last month I was short on funds (again, shocking), and had my housemate Brent's birthday that Thursday, and was heading up north that following Friday, for my Dad's birthday. So I had to wait another long month to make it to my first meeting. So the next week I set aside some money to ensure that I would have money for travel. parking and food, should I need it. Last night was finally the night, and I joined the one woman I had met already, her friend, Jack, and we carpooled into the city. When we found parking, we walked a couple of blocks to this cool cafe, in which the group has been meeting upstairs. Naturally, we went upstairs, and upon entering the room something happened. I had emailed the woman who heads up the group, her name is Morgan, to gain acceptance to the group and be put on the mailing list (email list), but had not met her yet. I did however, know at first glance of the blonde woman sitting among other people in this room, was going to be Morgan. I was not wrong. Anyway, the meeting went alright. It's a rather eclectic group of people. Ranging from amateurs like me, to old pros looking to get back into the field, to people just interested in it, and one audio/video engineer. Not surprisingly, there was a wide difference in everybody's age, but little difference in that almost everybody has a strong background in theatre. A lot of what was talked about was not news to me, but there was some stuff about the industry that I'd forgotten about, and a couple of tips I'd never known about. It wrapped up around 9:30, and we all slowly made our way downstairs, and departed slowly. I finally made it home around 11:30, and didn't fall asleep until sometime after 1:30 this morning. My alarm clocks seemed to skip four hours, and start going off immediately, but I made it to work on time today, and managed to keep my eyes open all day.
That's right, I've decided to leave everybody hanging. Suckers, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! (or, "moo ha ha!") Now to wait and see what I can do in this newly reopened opportunity. Maybe this long time dream of mine will take a step towards reality, what ever road it leads me down.
In case you're wondering, I'm actually referring to the voice over dream.
As for this night tonight, I am trying to fend off the new bout of depression that struck me on my drive home from work today. As much as I'd like to blame it on being so damn tired, I know that's not it. This has been a recurring theme for me on Friday afternoons, when 3 o'clock comes around, and I know I have nothing to look forward to all weekend, other than turning my alarm clocks off for a couple of days.
I hope that everyone else is getting along okay. Have yourselves a good weekend, have some good food, and of course, laugh a couple of times!
Peace out y'all!
Well, I suppose I should have started this with "hello few", as it's been months since I've been here and I know of only one person who has checked it anytime recently. Yes, that's right, another run-on sentence! Most of the last three months have been fairly uneventful. There was the four month headache of my car's check engine light constantly coming on, and eventually my coolant light coming on, in a giant red and flashing manner. That was exciting, in all the wrong ways. But after so many tension headaches, a couple hundred dollars (far less than it would have cost to have a mechanic do what I took care of), one giant blood blister, some other cuts and bruising, swearing and anger, the problem has been resolved! Two weeks of everyday driving, and no lights coming on, flashing, or yelling at me, in any color! Phew! Oh, and my mileage has gone back to what it was before that whole debacle started. Yay! I do have a picture of the previously mention blood blister, but the few I knew could handle such an image already received it, and I won't be sharing it here. As far as any other pictures go, I haven't really taken any since my last post, so this will be one of those boring text only postings.
As a few of you know, about a month ago I had a dream that introduced me to an unknown blonde woman. In the following weeks, she has come to visit me several times in other dreams I've had since. Nothing kinky, or otherwise, just keeping me company in my subconscious I guess. For a while I thought that my mind was telling me that I should give up on my brunette standard, and try to find myself a blonde girlfriend, for the first time since I was 12-13 years old. That worked out for me about as well as trying to catch a brunettes attention. There were a couple of nights when I thought my mind was being invaded by somebody, or something, but couldn't find any signs of possession. Then, after a couple of weeks, I started finding myself noticing just the brunettes again. Until last night, when I met somebody for the first time. Hold on, let me go back a bit, and start that one off properly.
About a month and a half ago, shortly after finishing my lunch at work, a woman came into the office to pick up an item she had ordered. She immediately commented on my voice (shocking, I know), and told me about a voice over group she had joined, and subsequently asked if I'd be interested in joining as well. Hmmm, that seemed a silly question to me. I came to find out that this group, ChiVO (short for Chicago Voice-over), meets officially once a month, on the last Thursday of every month, in downtown Chicago. Unfortunately last month I was short on funds (again, shocking), and had my housemate Brent's birthday that Thursday, and was heading up north that following Friday, for my Dad's birthday. So I had to wait another long month to make it to my first meeting. So the next week I set aside some money to ensure that I would have money for travel. parking and food, should I need it. Last night was finally the night, and I joined the one woman I had met already, her friend, Jack, and we carpooled into the city. When we found parking, we walked a couple of blocks to this cool cafe, in which the group has been meeting upstairs. Naturally, we went upstairs, and upon entering the room something happened. I had emailed the woman who heads up the group, her name is Morgan, to gain acceptance to the group and be put on the mailing list (email list), but had not met her yet. I did however, know at first glance of the blonde woman sitting among other people in this room, was going to be Morgan. I was not wrong. Anyway, the meeting went alright. It's a rather eclectic group of people. Ranging from amateurs like me, to old pros looking to get back into the field, to people just interested in it, and one audio/video engineer. Not surprisingly, there was a wide difference in everybody's age, but little difference in that almost everybody has a strong background in theatre. A lot of what was talked about was not news to me, but there was some stuff about the industry that I'd forgotten about, and a couple of tips I'd never known about. It wrapped up around 9:30, and we all slowly made our way downstairs, and departed slowly. I finally made it home around 11:30, and didn't fall asleep until sometime after 1:30 this morning. My alarm clocks seemed to skip four hours, and start going off immediately, but I made it to work on time today, and managed to keep my eyes open all day.
That's right, I've decided to leave everybody hanging. Suckers, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! (or, "moo ha ha!") Now to wait and see what I can do in this newly reopened opportunity. Maybe this long time dream of mine will take a step towards reality, what ever road it leads me down.
In case you're wondering, I'm actually referring to the voice over dream.
As for this night tonight, I am trying to fend off the new bout of depression that struck me on my drive home from work today. As much as I'd like to blame it on being so damn tired, I know that's not it. This has been a recurring theme for me on Friday afternoons, when 3 o'clock comes around, and I know I have nothing to look forward to all weekend, other than turning my alarm clocks off for a couple of days.
I hope that everyone else is getting along okay. Have yourselves a good weekend, have some good food, and of course, laugh a couple of times!
Peace out y'all!
Sunday, 3 January 2010
The Beginning of a New Decade
Hello, and welcome to my first blog of 2010.
There was a bit of personal turbulence in my life to close out the last year, you might say. This year started off quietly, for the first couple of days anyway. Through a bit of transference, and a short paid rent, a large hole in the dining area wall appeared, next to where the table had been sitting. It was the craziest thing. I had just put my cup of juice down, and the next moment the other end of the table lifted rapidly up and over. The wall broke, and so did my cup of juice. Some one sided screaming ensued, and everyone walked away unscathed, and with a bit more understanding of reason. Or something like that. So it wasn't what you'd call a good start to a Lazy Sunday. Oh well, could have been worse I suppose.
I couldn't think of any resolution to make for the new year, just like the last several years. So I shaved my chin beard off. I was getting kind of bored with it anyway. Okay, so I left a little scruff there. It's cold outside this time of year. Other than that, I've been giving some deeper consideration of making some kind of change in my life. Thinking more and more of making a job change, or career move, or whatever you call it. Additionally start trying to market my voice again, somehow. Maybe even try getting out into the dating world again too. Hold on, perhaps I'll just start with one thing at a time. Just as soon as I can figure out which one to start with.
A few days ago, I posted my first "video" on youtube. It's really just a slide show of a lot of pictures. Most of which were already viewable on facebook (friends only), but a few that aren't up there. So far it's gotten 67 views, from a few different spots worldwide! Okay, I know that isn't really much, but it's cool to me, as I did little to advertise it. Continuing on the technology theme, thanks again for the Ipod, Mom, and the tires, Mom and Dad, and the vinyl Lisa!!! And all the other stuff too, on that note. Marley seems to think that he's found a new bed as well.
Okay, time for me to make a late lunch, and settle in for the rest of this almost lazy day. I hope everyone had a good holiday season, and hopes you all have a good year!
Peace out, y'all
There was a bit of personal turbulence in my life to close out the last year, you might say. This year started off quietly, for the first couple of days anyway. Through a bit of transference, and a short paid rent, a large hole in the dining area wall appeared, next to where the table had been sitting. It was the craziest thing. I had just put my cup of juice down, and the next moment the other end of the table lifted rapidly up and over. The wall broke, and so did my cup of juice. Some one sided screaming ensued, and everyone walked away unscathed, and with a bit more understanding of reason. Or something like that. So it wasn't what you'd call a good start to a Lazy Sunday. Oh well, could have been worse I suppose.
I couldn't think of any resolution to make for the new year, just like the last several years. So I shaved my chin beard off. I was getting kind of bored with it anyway. Okay, so I left a little scruff there. It's cold outside this time of year. Other than that, I've been giving some deeper consideration of making some kind of change in my life. Thinking more and more of making a job change, or career move, or whatever you call it. Additionally start trying to market my voice again, somehow. Maybe even try getting out into the dating world again too. Hold on, perhaps I'll just start with one thing at a time. Just as soon as I can figure out which one to start with.
A few days ago, I posted my first "video" on youtube. It's really just a slide show of a lot of pictures. Most of which were already viewable on facebook (friends only), but a few that aren't up there. So far it's gotten 67 views, from a few different spots worldwide! Okay, I know that isn't really much, but it's cool to me, as I did little to advertise it. Continuing on the technology theme, thanks again for the Ipod, Mom, and the tires, Mom and Dad, and the vinyl Lisa!!! And all the other stuff too, on that note. Marley seems to think that he's found a new bed as well.
Okay, time for me to make a late lunch, and settle in for the rest of this almost lazy day. I hope everyone had a good holiday season, and hopes you all have a good year!
Peace out, y'all
Saturday, 5 December 2009
Another Round with Depressed Situations.
Hello.
I was just going through some drafts that never got published, and was tempted to post one that has been sitting there for about 5 months. It read much like how I'm feeling today, but it made some past references that are no longer current. So, instead of editing it, I figured I'll just start one fresh. The joys of living with somebody who is completely unpredictable are taxing at best. I am tired, stressed, easily aggravated, and dealing with a new round of my own depression just to square things off. It began yesterday evening. I was sitting on a kitchen counter, conversing with Stefanie, who was sitting on the counter across from me. The "guest" in the living room was leaving us alone as we talked, which was a nice change. Then Brent came home. He walked into the kitchen with the remains of some Wendy's, and sat down at the table. Stef and I tried involving him in some general banter. Then he asked me about rent, telling me that I was 4 days late (completely unaware that I had just gotten paid yesterday). I gave him the money I had on me, a couple hundred dollars. Then he asked for the rest of it, while turning towards anger. I told him that I'd have the rest when I am caught up with my bills this month. Then he stood up, told me not to "walk all over his generosity, because that pisses me off!", and walked out of the room. Awesome. The odd bit, which popped into my head a short while later, was that a few weeks ago he and I had gone out to get some food, and he was wondering how the "rest" of the people manage to get by everyday, with so much debt, and no way of making much more money than most already do. I told him just how hard it is to do, running down my financial history with him, and laying out how impossible it is to budget when there is no money left to budget when you've used everything you just earned to pay only three quarters of the bills. He listened, and contemplated. When I then told him how I had to take my car in to get checked out, guessing it was the brakes causing the issue I was (am) having, he told me he'd front me the money to get my brakes fixed. It turned out to be my tires, not my brakes, and that's not better. I've been shopping around for tires, but I just can't afford them, and every time I bring it up to him, he won't respond in any way. Getting new tires is vital right about now, considering how far I live from work, and how I don't live on flat terrain, or how they could blow out at any moment even under good driving conditions. Unfortunately my car uses odd sized tires, which of course cost more than the next size down. Mix that annoyance with the way my pay periods have been falling of late, and the fact that my middle of the month bills should have been paid with yesterday's paycheck, but since Brent demanded rent, I handed him what would have been my car and cell phone payments earlier today. This did not help with my mood. So to pass my time, I finally took care of my file cabinet (okay it's only a small wooden two drawer file cabinet). Bad decision on my part. I organized the last 7 years of bank statements for starters, and it retold the story of how I ended up where I am right now. The thousands and thousands of dollars that were lost due to the number games banks play with those of us living with just enough money to keep the power on, and not much of anything else. After filing away everything else, I went upstairs to hang out with Brent and Stef. I had only been in their room a few minutes when a pizza they had ordered arrived. I sat there for a while, watching the movie they had going, never being offered a piece of the pizza. Normally that wouldn't have bothered me much, but as I watched them eating what could have been my car payment it did. I would much prefer the money I give him to go towards things like house maintenance, the cable bill, the electric bill, or groceries. Instead it funds his shopping sprees, for things like movies and books on CD (some of which cost $300 per set!) , or video games. Never ever on food, or a replacement stove, or a snow shovel, or anything that just might come in handy around this house. It's sad really, and I hate myself a little more every time I hand him the "rent" money. That mixed with the fact that he just about makes more per week than I make in a whole month. Alright, I'm done bitching, okay not really, but I don't feel like rambling on anymore right now.
I was just going through some drafts that never got published, and was tempted to post one that has been sitting there for about 5 months. It read much like how I'm feeling today, but it made some past references that are no longer current. So, instead of editing it, I figured I'll just start one fresh. The joys of living with somebody who is completely unpredictable are taxing at best. I am tired, stressed, easily aggravated, and dealing with a new round of my own depression just to square things off. It began yesterday evening. I was sitting on a kitchen counter, conversing with Stefanie, who was sitting on the counter across from me. The "guest" in the living room was leaving us alone as we talked, which was a nice change. Then Brent came home. He walked into the kitchen with the remains of some Wendy's, and sat down at the table. Stef and I tried involving him in some general banter. Then he asked me about rent, telling me that I was 4 days late (completely unaware that I had just gotten paid yesterday). I gave him the money I had on me, a couple hundred dollars. Then he asked for the rest of it, while turning towards anger. I told him that I'd have the rest when I am caught up with my bills this month. Then he stood up, told me not to "walk all over his generosity, because that pisses me off!", and walked out of the room. Awesome. The odd bit, which popped into my head a short while later, was that a few weeks ago he and I had gone out to get some food, and he was wondering how the "rest" of the people manage to get by everyday, with so much debt, and no way of making much more money than most already do. I told him just how hard it is to do, running down my financial history with him, and laying out how impossible it is to budget when there is no money left to budget when you've used everything you just earned to pay only three quarters of the bills. He listened, and contemplated. When I then told him how I had to take my car in to get checked out, guessing it was the brakes causing the issue I was (am) having, he told me he'd front me the money to get my brakes fixed. It turned out to be my tires, not my brakes, and that's not better. I've been shopping around for tires, but I just can't afford them, and every time I bring it up to him, he won't respond in any way. Getting new tires is vital right about now, considering how far I live from work, and how I don't live on flat terrain, or how they could blow out at any moment even under good driving conditions. Unfortunately my car uses odd sized tires, which of course cost more than the next size down. Mix that annoyance with the way my pay periods have been falling of late, and the fact that my middle of the month bills should have been paid with yesterday's paycheck, but since Brent demanded rent, I handed him what would have been my car and cell phone payments earlier today. This did not help with my mood. So to pass my time, I finally took care of my file cabinet (okay it's only a small wooden two drawer file cabinet). Bad decision on my part. I organized the last 7 years of bank statements for starters, and it retold the story of how I ended up where I am right now. The thousands and thousands of dollars that were lost due to the number games banks play with those of us living with just enough money to keep the power on, and not much of anything else. After filing away everything else, I went upstairs to hang out with Brent and Stef. I had only been in their room a few minutes when a pizza they had ordered arrived. I sat there for a while, watching the movie they had going, never being offered a piece of the pizza. Normally that wouldn't have bothered me much, but as I watched them eating what could have been my car payment it did. I would much prefer the money I give him to go towards things like house maintenance, the cable bill, the electric bill, or groceries. Instead it funds his shopping sprees, for things like movies and books on CD (some of which cost $300 per set!) , or video games. Never ever on food, or a replacement stove, or a snow shovel, or anything that just might come in handy around this house. It's sad really, and I hate myself a little more every time I hand him the "rent" money. That mixed with the fact that he just about makes more per week than I make in a whole month. Alright, I'm done bitching, okay not really, but I don't feel like rambling on anymore right now.
Saturday, 7 November 2009
An Oddly Spotted Rabbit and Me (no VW reference intended ;)
Hi and hello all.The above picture was taken the day after my Thirtieth birth day anniversary. The rabbit has the oddest coat that I have seen to date. Other than that, life has been more or less the same. Still single, still mostly lonely. I need to find some way to shake up this life of mine. I can't really think of how to do that, but I know that not everything is copacetic. Really it is simply describable as boredom. I fought for a long time to accept being "alone". I finally did become comfortable with solidarity. I had felt the sensation for a long time, and was never truly uncomfortable with the notion, but practicing it is not as entertaining as pondering it. Now I'm just bored, and feel like I'll never get out of the monopractitioner life status. That might sound crazy, or unlikely to some, but it's not to me. I have the ability to communicate with just about everybody I share a language with, but as far as knowing how to take a relationship to the next level still seems to be a difficulty that I'm afflicted by. I'm not happy about it, really. I'm feeling a bit desperate of late. But when confronted with a new woman that excites attraction in me, I can't seem to stop feeling as though if I speak I will come off as nothing but desperate. That only sucks because it transfers over to trying to speak with people I feel no attraction towards. So basically my whole life is in need of some companionship, but I have forgotten how to have, or even enjoy that. Hmmm, one day maybe. Or maybe I'll spend more time than I'd like feeling like an odd rabbit in a cage...
Peace y'all :) Time for some mind numbing television, just so I can think in more simplistic ways ;)
Paste the link below to your web address bar for the soundtrack that kinda fits this post (in a new window of course, so you can listen for a while, and then read this post at the same time...)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_VbSExIg1E
Tuesday, 3 November 2009
Another Decade Past
Hello, and welcome to my last blog in my third decade of life.
So today is Nov. 3rd, 2009, and this is last evening of my 20's. This last decade has been an interesting one, full of good and bad, ups and downs, loss and meetings, and some other stuff. It brought two loves into my life, and gave me plenty of time to say goodbye to both. One was lost due to life changes, and the other was lost to instability. One remains in contact, and the other lost in the ether (so to say, she is alive, but non-communicate). This decade has also been a time filled with saying a final farewell to more than I'd like, notably Blake Cadkin and John Waldron, and the one person I knew when 9/11 took the lives of so many. It has also brought people into my life, the two loves, Dahlia and Jenny, and some friends like George and Dean. I both lost myself, and found myself (sometimes one before the other), and tried my best to help those who I could. There have been chances not taken, and chances taken to no avail, and sometimes things I did not see as chances becoming more than I would have ever imagined. I could go on, but the dinner I ate tonight was about the best thing to analogize this decade, not quite long enough, but packed with so much that I could not close it enough to take it all in in one bite. I both admire and despise that in a sandwich (and life).
I had thoughts of dragging this post out to an insane length, but now that I'm sitting here, I don't think I will. Why, you ask? Because I wouldn't want to bore you readers who have put up with some of my ramblings in the past year in this blog of mine. I will say though, that it feels odd to me that I will be turning 30 tomorrow (4 hr 34 min from right now). I've been looking around at what is surrounding me, and I am having a hard time seeing anything that makes me feel like I've accomplished anything to date. I must say, it is a bit depressing. Okay, so I've known love more than once, and I was able to avoid homelessness in my 20's, so that's something. But something still feels like it is missing. It hasn't "...been a long December" yet (come on, it's only November), but I am hoping that "next year will be better than the last." There have been some severe trials involving my self worth, my reservations, and my inner strength. I have not come out unscathed, or with a case of perma-smile, but I've made it alive and mostly healthy. I could ask for more, I suppose. In fact I have wanted more for a few years now. But I've stopped asking of late, as I've seen so much worse in the last 10 years, that I find myself without room to bitch and moan about what I lack, like I used to do.
On that, I think I will stop here. Like I mentioned before, I could go on to make this more than even my own mother could read in one sitting (love ya mom!), but once I started writing, I knew that wasn't the right thing to do. I'm not dying quite yet, just turning 30. I feel like it's time for a change, if only I could figure out what that change should be. Since that won't happen tonight (most likely), I will instead watch some TV, listen to some music, and look forward to tomorrow!
Peace out y'all! Remember to take the good with the bad, and that even when there is more bad than good, there is still good to be had! Oh, and don't forget the family/friends, good music, good foods, and lots of laughs whenever you can let one slip! ; )
So today is Nov. 3rd, 2009, and this is last evening of my 20's. This last decade has been an interesting one, full of good and bad, ups and downs, loss and meetings, and some other stuff. It brought two loves into my life, and gave me plenty of time to say goodbye to both. One was lost due to life changes, and the other was lost to instability. One remains in contact, and the other lost in the ether (so to say, she is alive, but non-communicate). This decade has also been a time filled with saying a final farewell to more than I'd like, notably Blake Cadkin and John Waldron, and the one person I knew when 9/11 took the lives of so many. It has also brought people into my life, the two loves, Dahlia and Jenny, and some friends like George and Dean. I both lost myself, and found myself (sometimes one before the other), and tried my best to help those who I could. There have been chances not taken, and chances taken to no avail, and sometimes things I did not see as chances becoming more than I would have ever imagined. I could go on, but the dinner I ate tonight was about the best thing to analogize this decade, not quite long enough, but packed with so much that I could not close it enough to take it all in in one bite. I both admire and despise that in a sandwich (and life).
I had thoughts of dragging this post out to an insane length, but now that I'm sitting here, I don't think I will. Why, you ask? Because I wouldn't want to bore you readers who have put up with some of my ramblings in the past year in this blog of mine. I will say though, that it feels odd to me that I will be turning 30 tomorrow (4 hr 34 min from right now). I've been looking around at what is surrounding me, and I am having a hard time seeing anything that makes me feel like I've accomplished anything to date. I must say, it is a bit depressing. Okay, so I've known love more than once, and I was able to avoid homelessness in my 20's, so that's something. But something still feels like it is missing. It hasn't "...been a long December" yet (come on, it's only November), but I am hoping that "next year will be better than the last." There have been some severe trials involving my self worth, my reservations, and my inner strength. I have not come out unscathed, or with a case of perma-smile, but I've made it alive and mostly healthy. I could ask for more, I suppose. In fact I have wanted more for a few years now. But I've stopped asking of late, as I've seen so much worse in the last 10 years, that I find myself without room to bitch and moan about what I lack, like I used to do.
On that, I think I will stop here. Like I mentioned before, I could go on to make this more than even my own mother could read in one sitting (love ya mom!), but once I started writing, I knew that wasn't the right thing to do. I'm not dying quite yet, just turning 30. I feel like it's time for a change, if only I could figure out what that change should be. Since that won't happen tonight (most likely), I will instead watch some TV, listen to some music, and look forward to tomorrow!
Peace out y'all! Remember to take the good with the bad, and that even when there is more bad than good, there is still good to be had! Oh, and don't forget the family/friends, good music, good foods, and lots of laughs whenever you can let one slip! ; )
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