Friday, 10 April 2009

Me, My Own Enemy

Hey y'all!

I have a problem, I love driving. I am afflicted with a passion for driving. It's almost as bad as my addiction to music. The only thing worse is the combination of driving and music. I need to travel. I need to wander. I need to be free. I need to be me. To be me I need to drive. I am driven to drive. It's in my blood. It's in my soul. When I dream I fly, but more often I drive. I am a Driver. The VW ad "Drivers' Wanted" would have gotten me to drive a VDub for the first time, except that I already owned one. I do however have a winter beanie that has a VW logo on one side, and the tag "Drivers Wanted" on another. I wear it proudly. I don't care if you drive a German car, or a Japanese car, or a Swedish car, or a British car, or any car that came from another country but was assembled in Guatemala. The point is that you must know how to drive your car. Know it's dimensions, know how it handles, know how fast it can stop, know it's turning radius, and most of all, learn how to use your damn turn signal!!!

Now then, some of you might be wondering what the title of this post has to do with what I've posted so far. Here it goes, re-read the first paragraph and figure it out for yourself. If you can't figure it out now, then stay the fuck off the roads. All of them, paved or otherwise. I don't care if your stupid (I mean your inability to read a bloody map) GPS tells you the road isn't there, stay off of it anyway! If you can't manage to get your car to do what you want it to do, you need not drive. I don't care what grade you got in whatever form of drivers ed you took, if you can't drive your car, turn the key to the off position, wait fro traffic to clear, step out of your car, call a tow truck to tow it back to your garage (or where ever it is you park it at night), and don't get back into it until you learn what driving actually means. For the love of clear roads and the lack of traffic fatalities, don't get back into your car until you know what driving actually is!!!!!!! Until then, I will continue to be my worst own enemy, and force myself to drive on the same roads as all the fucking imbeciles that have drivers licenses (and how they got them I fear to ask).

I would like to post something normal, but I think I'll stop here. That was what I wanted to say, and if it pissed you off, and/or if you took offense to it, then piss off. When you are done trying to defend your shitty driving ability, find a wide open parking lot, with no other cars in it, and not too many lamp posts, and learn how to drive your car, before you ever get out on the open road again! And if you can't do that, then I hope you have enough money to stay at home and order delivery. Or that you live close enough to a food market that you can walk to it.

P.S.: PEDESTRIANS have the RIGHT OF WAY AT A CROSSWALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It does not matter how slick, or fast your car or van is, the walkers have the right of way you dumb ass!


eristar said...

You really need say how you really feel and stop beating around the bush!!! :D
SNHEW - I dunno - what shnew with you?

Lisa said...

Hahaha, good one, Mom!

I always stop for pedestrians, for the record. Even the dumb ass jaywalking ones.

consub: even con men need a sick day now and then, and consubs are the people that step in for them.