Thursday, 7 May 2009

Sex Thursday!

Hey y'all!

####DISCLAIMER: This post contains content of an adult variety, and nobody uncomfortable with talk of sex should read this. You have been warned!

It's Thursday, which means it's Sex Thursday...on WGN Radio that is (ha, gotcha!). As most of you know already, at work we listen to WGN radio all day, it plays through the speakers on the phones, as well as being the "hold music" for our customers. I wasn't looking forward to that when I got out of the van, and into the office, hmmm, nearly five years ago. But it's grown on me. Anyway, Kathy and Judy (the mid morning hosts) have a bit they do every Thursday, when they have listeners call in and give a tale about a wide variety of topics regarding, you got it, sex. Now I've been sex free for (I didn't want to think about this, but it's too late) approximately 160 consecutive Thursdays, and mondays and tuesdays and so on. However, I kinda sorta remember what it's like. Usually I just get a kick out of listening to that part of the program, but today, I could have been a caller. I was busy though, and really couldn't take the time to do so. Anyway, the topic today was injuries suffered during. They immediately excluded carpet burn and other common injuries. A couple of guys called in with having broken their, um, manhood. Then there was a poison oak incident, a ripped tongue (on a female, go figure, and no, not incurred while kissing either), but nobody called in with what I wanted to share! So I'm taking the liberty of my blog to do so. No names. It was the summer after highschool, and my girlfriend then, and I were taking advantage of a parent free condo. In the middle of a position change, I, being the tall, long legged guy I am, was just bring my leg up in order to, well change position. She, at the exact wrong moment, stopped moving, and turned around to look at me, and whack! My knee smacked right into her nose, and broke it! The amazing thing was that she just laughed, while the blood started gushing! It wasn't a bad break, like disfigured for life break, just enough to crack the cartilage a little. That taught me a valuable lesson though...make sure to keep your knees away while in the throws of passion! Oh, that is an image I will never lose. Oh, and in case anybody was wondering, my knee came away unscathed :)

Okay, now that you know why I included a disclaimer at the beginning of this post, I'll move on to non-sex topics. I got a coupon in the mail today, and I can get a mani-pedi for only $35! Wow! I'm all over that! Ooh, or I could get a full set of "gel" (assuming also for my nails) for only $36! Oh damn, they are closed on Mondays, and that's the only day I could possibly get in before the coupons expire. Oh well. Work went alright today. I am still mystified that a math teacher, working off a pre-approved order list (with pricing), can't get the grand total of their order correct. Yes, you read that right, math teacher! Sheesh, they don't even have to deal with taxes or anything! No wonder that kid at the drive thru window at the local BK couldn't figure out the proper change for me! Speaking of kids, man oh man are the Libertyville HS kids being loud and ruckus this afternoon! And it seems that half of them are driving old muscle cars right now too! Why in the hell would any parent get their kid a damn muscle car?! Do they not realize that although little or no damage will come to the passengers (assuming they use their seatbelts) when said muscle car mysteriously veers into a tree, or another car, but still! Hell, most adults don't know how to handle the amount of horsepower some of those cars have lurking under the hoods. Huh, I've been sitting here staring at my computer screen for about 7 minutes now, and nothing else is coming to mind. I think that may be a sign for me to end this post...

Well I hope I didn't offend anybody with the first half of this. Oh, screw that, if you were offended, you are an adult, get over it! I have absolutely no reason to believe that the girl (woman now) that story involved reads this, or even knows that I maintain a blog, but just in case, I hope your nose is doing alright today!

Okay, peace out y'all, and go enjoy a good meal and some good music! And if you haven't laughed yet today, what the hell is wrong with you?!


Lisa said...

Oh, that's it, I'm never reading your blog again because I'm so offended! Oh, wait...

actout: Sometimes you just have to.

eristar said...

What? My baby has had S - -??? No way! (After all, you were found under a cabbage leaf in the garden...)
PRIDDOE - a group of female deer.

Anonymous said...

im racking my brain to remember who your girlfriend was that summer!


Dave said...

Good luck with that Pish!